It was tough celebrating with all the kids and facility today because I won't be teaching there next year. If I don't get the job in Corning however, I'm sure I'll be finding myself spending a lot of time there subbing. But as a teacher, you don't want to be subbing in classrooms your whole career. You want you're own classroom, your own kids, and your own curriculum to teach. The sting deepens when I'm asked often by the students if I'll be around next year, because they know there's a position open and they want me in it. Honestly, I would have loved to be there, but it just wasn't meant to be - not this year. Maybe when the high school teacher leaves next year, I can take her position, but after all the disappointment and frustration, I'm not holding my breath. But because I put so much into these eighth graders this year, I felt as though I belonged there, even if it's only for a day. So together - teachers and students - we celebrated our successes together.
The highlight of the day though came when I was speaking with a student (we'll call her M) right before the end of the day. Although she'd never admit it, M was tearing up a little bit because she doesn't know if she'll be in Harpursville next year, and even if she is, one of her best friends had already moved out the district weeks earlier. As we were chatting about how friends come and go in life, she mentioned to me that she would have liked to have a yearbook, but her mother didn't give her the money or ignored the request. Although I'm well aware of the reasons not to, I decided that I was going to buy her a yearbook. This is a loaded task though. There at least a half-dozen reasons not to give her one (as a teacher) as well as the danger of making it a huge deal to other students who I know can't afford one either. But she had been one of my most considerate and well-behaved students all year and I felt the benefits here would outweigh the risks. My biggest problem? I didn't have the cash for the yearbook itself.
Thankfully, I was a visitor today (as opposed to a sub) and I was able to leave the building without any problems and ran to the only store in Harpursville: The Bread & Butter Country store, and made a debit purchase that allowed me to take out the money needed. Purchased the book at the library and signed the inside of it with the typical best-of-luck teacher yearbook message. Since the congregation of seventh and eighth graders were swarming around the courtyard, it wasn't hard to find her. I saw M (sitting with only one other person, thank God) reading her friend's yearbook. Without making a scene or a big deal, I came up to M, and placed the yearbook in her lap, in front of the one she was holding, and simply said, "I think this is yours, but don't tell anybody." A nice, cryptic message that only she would understand and quiet walked away to talk to another teacher for a minute. During the time I left her alone to absorb the act, he had probably figured out what was going on and read the message on the inside, which probably helped her out to understand what I was doing. As a contrast to her previous emotions, it was very joyful for me to see her face and eyes light up in disbelief what had actually occurred. She insisted for the last hour that she needed to repay me somehow, but I told her just to remember how that felt like and repay the kindness. Considering they know about Rachel's Challenge, I hope she does wherever she goes.
I'm not claiming to be altruistic; I certainly felt and am still feeling the high of doing a good deed for someone. This whole exchange with M happened in a matter of thirty minutes, from conversation to gift, and I thought about nothing except all the different ways it could possibly backfire on me. What put me over the edge is that I just didn't care. Particularly, I recall an early lesson in my faith as a Christ Follower that in order to make a difference, we need to love recklessly. This was an act of reckless love. I don't think M is a Christian, and I don't think simply buying her a yearbook will change her all that much either. But with the feeling it has left me, I can do nothing now but just pray that this is the beginning of her road to salvation so that she can begin understand why I did what I did. I love M just like I love all my students. The Lord knows if I'll ever get a chance to interact with these students again, because from my point of view, this was probably my last day I'll see many of them. But if God gives me another interaction with M, maybe we both would have had just enough time to think about today's events and realize there is something more powerful in kindness than for kindness sake. And maybe, she will begin seeing the light of Christ for the first time.
As a teacher, I want to see my students educated but not just in academics. I will forever be a teacher of character. And if I'm going to be a great teacher, than my actions need to match my words. If nothing else, I hope that I exampled that today.
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