I finally decided to "man-up" and sub for two different BOCES assignments this week. The experiences were like night and day. For those unaware of BOCES, they are a state-run organization that supplies alternative education for special education, vocational and behaviorally-challenged students outside the traditional public school settings. Some of the above students fit into multiple categories.
On Monday, I drew the assignment that dealt with students with (major) discipline and behavior problems. If you're looking for a happy ending to this story, you aren't getting one - it was as bad as it sounds. Most of these middle school students, I fear, are heading straight on a path to gang activity, sex, drugs, and ultimately jail, if they haven't started already. They cared little for authority or homework, they overreacted to every unfavorable stimulus, and dropped f-bombs and the word that rhymes with "witch" almost three times every sentence. I came in expecting the worst, but hoping for the best. At the end of the day, I was rather emotionally and spiritually without hope. As much as I prayed silently for these students, I still couldn't see them in God's grace. And this depresses me greatly. As an Christ-Following educator, I do not like to see poor, unpriviledged children stacking the deck against them - yet there was nothing I could do to stop them. In fact, the path they choose is destruction on purpose as if there was no other way. They come from broken homes and no alternatives. The fact that these children are bused to these type of schools with children like themselves, only places them deeper into a cycle that merits pity and frustration.
Another argument I had was that as a substitute teacher in a new place for the first time, I was given minimal support and necessary information by the staff and faculty, barring one period where the dean helped me maintain order in my classroom. If they are aware (and they are) about the difficulty I am walking into, why didn't they equip me about simple things like me being able to send students out of my classroom or calling in a hall monitor? In some cases I blame the staff for the students no-hope attitude, because that was the gist of what I got from them while I was there. If the teachers do not believe in the students, then teenage students certainly aren't going to muster of the drive to succeed in anything academic.
Bottom line, I did not like it. Mentally, I understand that the Holy Spirit which dwells in me demands me to practice grace and mercy, yet in my heart, I find it difficult to help those who won't listen to me. I am currently unsure if I will return to these types of schools again to sub.
Today however, I worked in a different division of BOCES; namely, I was a special education teacher of children with autism. Although I worked with only six students all day, I found it incredibly fulfilling to work with them, despite their many disabilities. It made me recall my weeks at Delta Lake working with developmentally disabled adults. Although I usually speak poorly of the way I was treated by my own spiritual brothers and sisters, my time there has payed me back many time over already. God has filled me with incredible compassion and patience for these students. Unlike the children mentioned above, these students do not have the choice (most of the time) on how they are going to act. Yet, most of my interactions with them were met with smiles on my end - even if they weren't paying attention when I was reading the caterpillar book.
My aides were helpful and informative - they wanted to be there and during behavioral breakouts they showed a tremendous display or patience. I was throughly impressed; they made my job easy.
Regardless how many more times I will sub for BOCES this year, I am thankful I had both of these situations, because I strongly feel I have grown from each one in different ways. But give me Harpursville any day.
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