Bear's Bane

The final two weeks of the year are reserved for final exams (for students) and grading and paperwork (for teachers).  After a year of teaching students how to do compute countless number of algorithms, understand deep mathematical concepts, and struggling through mistakes, by the time finals come around, it’s always an anxious time for teachers who honestly care about their students.  This year, I had 26 students attempt New York’s hardest math Regents: the dreaded Algebra 2/Trigonometry Exam.  Even though I hand seven more students than last year, I was content with nearly identical passing (81%) and mastery (27%) rates as last year.  Once the anticipation faded, days were spent between entering data, completing teaching evaluation paperwork, and writing e-mails.  Sprinkle in a little bit of desk cleaning, student obligation forms, and inventorying calculators and books, and you got yourself a solid six to eight days of work.

As much as that may sound mundane, it was also in equal parts surreal.  I couldn’t help but think, “These are my last exams here,” or, “Why am I completely emptying out my filing cabinet,” or, “I’m so glad I’ll never have to fill out these useless evaluation forms again.”  Thoughts like these are reserved for teachers with much more gray hair and many more years of experience than I have of either. Not only has the typical school year worn me out, but the emotion attached to this year in particular left me physically and mentally exhausted.  Don’t read this as ingratitude though.  I’m very grateful for the many people whom I’ve worked alongside with over the past three years, and their words of encouragement regarding my strength of character, work ethic, commitment to students, and dedication to the profession as a whole.  But no one can deny the mystery or absurdity about my departure from Vestal - and that still includes me.  The situation defies all reason and understanding and logic, and over the past 14 months it’s been hard working toward forgiveness, acceptance and peace.  If nothing else, it’s been a comfort to pray to God on a weekly basis, “From You, no secrets are hid.”  Though I am surrounded in uncertainty, the Lord has not even flinched; He knows the dark secrets of men and has guided me well despite my doubt and unbelief. 

Interspersed in those final two weeks were a series of interviews, but more about those later.  As for Vestal and the Golden Bears, I certainly can’t say it’s been a great time.  There are people and times and places that I will look back on and remember with intense fondness.  My very first day of classes as a first year teacher, the shouts of “Kovac” down the halls, the exact moment I found out my second year Algebra 2/ Trig scores, and all the conversations between respected peers and students in the math office and extra help room, respectively, are a few that come immediately to mind.  Attached to those memories though – as close as shadows – are times where I struggled to value myself not only as a half-way decent teacher, but even as a father, husband, and a man.  Although not completely joyless, this has been a dark time.

So Goodbye Vestal; I wish I could say otherwise, but you will not be missed.