The Road to Virginia...

... is actually many roads.  And there are a few different routes you can travel when starting from the Southern Tier.  You're probably going to start on I-81 South and from there you have a few choices.  But before going too far, make sure you stop at my favorite trucker station - The Flying J - and fill up your tank on that cheaper out-of-state gas!

But I am getting ahead of myself.  The day before moving, a Sunday, we were helped by some of our closest church friends, and we really appreciate the effort and time they gave to us.  Among those people was Andrea's family, who graciously volunteered themselves in traveling and moving us into our new apartment the following day.  Despite my fears that the moving truck (or apartment) would "shrink" as we loaded our possessions, it never did and everything fit with more than enough room.

The plan for moving required four drivers and four vehicles.  I accepted the challenge of driving the moving truck and was accompanied by our cat, Mert.  Andrea drove the family car (named Elaine) with her mother entertaining Evelyn.  Adam, who accompanied me to Virginia in my previous post, drove my car (Serena) with his sister, Becca.  And Andrea's father, D., drove down in the Charger so that everyone had a ride back to New York the next morning.

However, nothing ever goes according to plan.  We started over an hour late and the Charger had oil slowly leaking from its reservoir.  And when we were ready to leave, there was a loud and obnoxious wood-chipper in front of our house, which is a story for another time.  So as we left, we split into three groups.  Serena left first to get coffee and breakfast, Elaine traveled behind me, and the charger went to an auto parts store to buy some oil.

Before 30 miles had eclipsed, the cat had wet herself because of stupid wood-chipper and travel stresses, so I was happy when I finally got to the Flying J to meet up with Serena.  (Elaine continued on her trek, and we wouldn't see them again until we got to Virginia.)  In addition to getting fuel, I was able to clean-up Mert, who had pretty much given up on trying to convince me to let her out of the carrier.

With the exception of southern Pennsylvania, it was pretty smooth driving.  Having Serena travel behind me was great to block off cars in the passing lane when I needed to pass, and our fuel tanks were emptying at nearly the same rate.  We didn't have to stop again until we got to Maryland for refueling gas tanks and stomachs.  Eventually, D. caught up with Elaine, and they traveled in tandem for the rest of the trip.  Because our lunch stop was so long, D. and Elaine passed us as we ate and gave Mert clean-up.

From lunch we made it all the way to our new home, Breckenridge Apartments, and were meet by two of my new co-workers who volunteered themselves for physical labor.  Not more than ten minutes later, the rest our party arrived, and the rest of the evening was spent going up-and-down stairs, tending to the needs of Mert and Evelyn, and crashing out on mattresses, couches, futons and cots.

Unfortunately, the trip wasn't without some collateral damage.  By God's grace we all made it down without any problems, but when we attempted to start Serena at the apartment complex, the engine wouldn't turn.  Over the course of the next two days, I worked on it when I had the time, but ultimately, we had to get it towed to the mechanic.  In hindsight though, I'm just thankful it didn't stop working in Maryland, when we had lunch, because we would have had some serious complications.  So everyone who prayed for safe travels, thank you, because God was merciful to us there.

And that's about it for the Road to Virginia.  It's been fun to write about this transition in our lives, and we really appreciate all the support from friends and family that we've received.  Seasons of change always make us uncomfortable, but it's a way for us to lean into God and depend on Him all the more.  In our weakness and insecurity, there is strength and confidence in the One who is familiar with all our difficulties!

Scouting and Packing

After coming home from vacation, it was time to get to work.  Over the next five weeks, Andrea and I shoved all our earthly possessions into boxes, researched apartments online, and attempted to have one last gathering with friends, family and loved ones.  Lest I forget everything, may this post serve as a highlight reel.

Many mornings, days and nights were spent on packing things into boxes and assessing their value.

• Evelyn was blessed with a gracious, six-year collection of clothing that we stored in the attic, but without such a massive storage space in Virginia, we brought with us only what she would need for the upcoming year or two.  Thankfully, Andrea's grandma offered her attic to store the remaining clothing items for the short-term future, so we didn't have to donate them away. 
• Speaking of donation, it's amazing how much extra stuff we collected in only five years of marriage.  It's been nothing less than eye-opening to realize how much we really need and don't need in regards to material possessions.  So we piled bags upon boxes and were refreshed in the blessing that places like Birthright and consignment stores exist.  Although exploring it's ideas before the move, I think it is the motivation behind Andrea's most recent (and timely) minimalism kick.
• But really, we just spent most of our time packing and figuring out if we really wanted to move all our stuff.  It was exhausting and annoying and I'm glad it's over now.

In the middle of all that packing, I was lucky enough to drive down to Virginia with Andrea's brother, Adam, to scout out the prospective apartments that interested us as well as the surrounding neighborhoods.  It also doubled as a great bonding experience for Adam and me, considering we were in the car for over 12 hours that day.  Although it was a long day and a lot of miles, in hindsight, I was thankful that I was able to get there and back, and especially with no car problems for once.  Eating at Steak N' Shake for dinner wasn't a bad consolation prize either.


Our final weeks of living in the Southern Tier, of course, was peppered with both sadness and excitement.  As much as we were excited for the new adventures that await us, it's always hard saying good-bye to familiar places, and people, and our local Wegman's.  As much as we could, we scheduled our last weeks visiting these people and places, making the most of every opportunity.  Transitions are tough for nearly everyone, yet I am still steadfast and certain that God has placed us here for a reason.  It is our daily prayer as of late that we find ourselves a loving church and friends that we can love just as much as family.

Vacation and a Well-Constructed Fire

Before knowing I would even be in a position to accept a job offer, Andrea and I had planned to vacation immediately after the school year ended for a few reasons.  I figured that I would be borderline miserable as the school year concluded, and I think that would have held up if I wasn't interviewing once or twice a week.  Also, I figured if I did happen to land a job, we would have to move quickly and definitely in August.  So taking some time to relax in the first of week of July seemed appropriate.

It took us all of about 20 seconds to figure out where we wanted to go.  The cottage on Cayuga Lake was the obvious choice because it is isolated from a lot of things that get us both distracted and/or annoyed.  A quiet location, by water, and doesn’t have access to the Internet. 

Turns out, we couldn’t have picked a better time either.  The weather was beautiful and allowed for excessive outdoor activity.  Evelyn, who normally gets about an hour or two (at most) of outdoor time at home, was outside for almost all her time barring eating and sleeping.  She enjoyed throwing rocks into the lake, kicking balls inside and outside the house, wading in the water with anyone who will take her out, and going on long walks up and down the private road.  Andrea made amazing breakfasts and dinners and I picked up where I left off last summer regarding my delicious grilling.  Andrea and I even managed to get a few dates in there, and capped it all off with a beautiful wedding ceremony of one of my closest high school friends.

A month or two before I had secured the job, I promised myself that I would have an overly dramatic “finalization event” of some sort that would landmark the finality of Vestal and the beginning of a new (and better) era.  With everything falling into place right before vacation, it quickly came to me that a proper “Burning of the Documents” would be perfect.  (For reference: The Documents were the collection of papers created by Vestal administrators that ultimately justified their belief that I should be denied tenure.)  The cottage already has a place for bonfires, so I just had to obtain some wood to burn.  Although it would be much easier to find someone giving away free wood, or simply buy some bundled wood, I felt it more appropriate if I procure the wood by my own sweat.  Over the past few years, I’ve noticed that the sand on the beach and the water was littered with driftwood.  So I spent the first few days of vacation rescuing driftwood from their watery depths and laying them out to dry on the dock. 

In the morning on the day of the “Burning of the Documents,” I carefully constructed the wood that I had collected into a respectable cabin-like arrangement.  As I was doing so, I thought of all those alters that people in the Old Testament made by hand.  Although my sacrifice wasn't nearly as impressive, it still takes a lot of work and time and thought to make.  In that sense, I suppose the process of building such an alter is also an act of devotion and worship that can be even more therapeutic and sanctifying than the burning of the offering itself.

Watching the fires burn away the papers I have grown to detest was deeply satisfying for me.  And even though those papers don’t have any physical existence anymore (except in some forsaken corner of the administrative building), they still have greatly changed many people’s lives.  But the whole reason I wanted this fire was to remind me that this was something painful, but it was also being removed from my life; akin to the way God purges us of our sin.  Of course, the result of our sin carries with us the rest of our lives.  But by same act of grace, God doesn't see that in us.  And when our final day comes, those who trust God can be found without blame or fault.  Certainly not by our own doings, but rather our holiness comes solely from the flames of purification that only God controls.  In this, ultimately, I will find my final rest, and I won't have to build the fire myself either.

A Better Proposition

I ended the previous blog a bit precariously on purpose.  Writing all these entries in hindsight allows me to play around with the timeline a bit, and I’m finding that enjoyable.  So humor me a little bit as I indulge myself here; its fun to write like this.

Almost like a reward for the ridiculous circumstances in my previous interview, God prompted another private Christian school in Virginia to call me the very next day (Monday) after I sent the e-mail (but unlike the last school, this one actually does believe in the Bible).  After some brief conversation, we scheduled a Skype interview for the following day.  

Only, something very different happened and unexpected at what I thought was the end of the interview.  The Headmaster of the school dismissed his colleagues, but requested that I stay online with him to talk about further matters.  I told him about my misfortunes at Vestal, and he countered with a list of expectations of their teachers that would make any public teacher in New York State instantly jealous.  As we started talking salary though, we ran into some conflict.  Predictably, I was asking for too much than what they had to give me.  At this point, I expected the conversation would be over and I’d be waiting for the next call from another school.

Only, something very beautiful happened.  We both expressed a mutual wanting to make the position work for all parties and a mutual disappointment if something couldn’t be reached.  So we started talking about numbers and creative ways to increase the salary.  By the end of the negotiation, I left with a promise of a decent-enough paying job (and some exciting additional obligations) and soon-to-be-coming offer, and he left with a high performing (and ruggedly good-looking) math teacher at his school next year.  In contrast to my experience at Vestal, the beauty came through our collective ability to work through a conflict and create a result where everyone feels good about what happened:  the elusive win-win.  Before even starting my first day, I know I’m working with a school that doesn’t fear conflict, and is willing to honestly work towards real and effective solutions.

Only four days after the initial interest phone call, I was presented an official offer.  After the weekend to talk it over with Andrea, I accepted my position the following Monday, though I still can't help but chuckle at the timing.  What was supposed to be my first official day of unemployment became the day that I accepted an offer to teach.  Although the way everything has been happening isn’t my first choice in any respects, I’m comfortable enough at this point to say that God has been faithful and gracious; certainly God calls His faithful to venture out to unknown places and uncomfortable situations.  In due time, I'm sure His purpose and will to be clarified daily.

Before dealing with the stresses of relocation, there is still some unfinished business to take care of…

An Interesting Interview

As I already mentioned here before, I've given up on the disappointing interviews and non-calls from public schools within state lines, so I've been working alongside the STA to find a school that wouldn’t judge my teaching based on my troubled past, but instead on my credentials, qualifications and promising potential. 

The first place that showed some interest was a private Christian school in Virginia.  After what I thought was an excellent Friday interview over Skype, I was given a simple assignment.  Check out that school’s church’s website, and give some feedback on a few of the sermons.  “Simple enough,” I thought.  I already had done some researching of my own on both the school’s and the church’s website, and was mainly impressed apart from a few minor things. Knowing that no church is perfect (not even Good Shepherd), I was willing to glance over that for the time being.  I even thought it wonderful that I might not only find employment through this school, but also find a church as well.  You know… the whole two-birds-and-one-stone thing.

So when Evelyn went down for her nap on the following Saturday afternoon, Andrea and I listened to the first sermon, which was given on Father’s Day so it was about relationships that Fathers should have.  Admittedly, I was a bit skeptic before listening to a Father’s Day sermon because I think they are inherently corny.  But this one wasn’t too bad (barring a few Biblical understatements) and I felt it addressed a predominant issue concerning church-going men in general.

But for more assurance, I decided to listen to the sermon the week before that to get an idea of what type of preaching happened on a non-holiday.  I was, to the say the least, shocked. Without having to repeat myself, here is an edited excerpt of the e-mail I sent my interviewer.

Mr. _______,  

As for the  message, it was very hard for me to watch it because I adamantly disagreed with many of the pastor's points, the chief of which dealt with his interpretation and use of the Bible.  Although the Bible is not God, the Bible is God's infallible and living Word and it is our best and only resource that Christians have in being able to interpret the will of God, from daily spiritual living to the accountability of a church and their leaders.  Unless there is an issue within your church where you have too many Christians reading and memorizing the Bible exclusively, that long exposition taken to undermine the Bible seemed excessive and unnecessary and to be honest, frightening as a Christian.  

I have been to many churches across a number of denominations, but I have never been a part of a church body where the Bible was being read too much; in fact, it seems as though American Christians in particular know practically nothing about their Bible, let alone knowing it deeply.  I know that you are not advising to neglect Bible studies, however, I find it difficult to believe that people don't read anything but the Bible and the Bible alone in this day and age.  Although I am not ordained as a pastor or priest, if I were, I would much rather have a church that knows their Bible too much, than not enough.  From that standpoint, you really could lead a church to do many great things across the community - especially in the building of disciples.  

The last major thing I noticed in both sermons is that there seems to be a large emphasis on human will and overcoming difficulties with more personal strength and effort.  Before and after committing my life to Christ, I lacked no ambition to put my all into everything.  In fact, that is how I was raised.  Whether it is raising a family, teaching people mathematics, or assisting and serving my church, I (unfortunately) pride myself greatly on my efforts and completed tasks.  Simply, I have never been accused of not working hard or trying my best; in everything I do, I do it for the Lord.  Because of my obvious and glaring failures in life, I know that I need something more than myself to produce anything good.  Sometimes my best efforts just aren't enough, and that is why Jesus teaches us to be repentant and dependent on him.  A reliance on self is the sin of pride, which we should count as loss.  When we rely on our own effort and strength, we are attempting to bend God to our will and that is a sin.  That is why Jesus prays, "Not my will be done, but yours."  It is a beautiful, powerful, and transforming prayer for us to adopt as well.  If the pastor's point here was to urge an apathetic or lazy church into action, then the message should not be for them to rely on their own strength to gain success.  We have already tried, and we have already failed.  Instead, we should be rely on the only thing we know that is dependable, which is God's sufficient grace.  So then if we fail, we are not destitute with ourselves or disappointed with our outcomes, but instead, comforted that Jesus still continues to love us despite our (many) failures.  Regardless of our efforts, the will of God always happens. 

I know that writing this next statement probably kills my chances of getting the job, and I'm fully prepared for that fact.  However I'm going to say it anyways; I know that my wife and I would not feel comfortable becoming members of your church, and if offered the job, we have already decided on looking for another church to further our walk with God.  I told you in my interview that I'm always honest with my students, but the same goes with my co-workers and administration as well.  

I know this response may seem harsh and uncomfortable, however, I do await a response from you about this.  Thank you for reading my reply all the way through.

Needless to say, it took some bravery knowing it would most likely remove me as a candidate for the position, but it was exhilarating to write.  To make a stand for the Gospel in such a clear and succinct way strengthened my resolve to find a job where I knew we would respect one another mutually.  To accept as job such as that one would ultimately be no better than my situation in Vestal.

Bear's Bane

The final two weeks of the year are reserved for final exams (for students) and grading and paperwork (for teachers).  After a year of teaching students how to do compute countless number of algorithms, understand deep mathematical concepts, and struggling through mistakes, by the time finals come around, it’s always an anxious time for teachers who honestly care about their students.  This year, I had 26 students attempt New York’s hardest math Regents: the dreaded Algebra 2/Trigonometry Exam.  Even though I hand seven more students than last year, I was content with nearly identical passing (81%) and mastery (27%) rates as last year.  Once the anticipation faded, days were spent between entering data, completing teaching evaluation paperwork, and writing e-mails.  Sprinkle in a little bit of desk cleaning, student obligation forms, and inventorying calculators and books, and you got yourself a solid six to eight days of work.

As much as that may sound mundane, it was also in equal parts surreal.  I couldn’t help but think, “These are my last exams here,” or, “Why am I completely emptying out my filing cabinet,” or, “I’m so glad I’ll never have to fill out these useless evaluation forms again.”  Thoughts like these are reserved for teachers with much more gray hair and many more years of experience than I have of either. Not only has the typical school year worn me out, but the emotion attached to this year in particular left me physically and mentally exhausted.  Don’t read this as ingratitude though.  I’m very grateful for the many people whom I’ve worked alongside with over the past three years, and their words of encouragement regarding my strength of character, work ethic, commitment to students, and dedication to the profession as a whole.  But no one can deny the mystery or absurdity about my departure from Vestal - and that still includes me.  The situation defies all reason and understanding and logic, and over the past 14 months it’s been hard working toward forgiveness, acceptance and peace.  If nothing else, it’s been a comfort to pray to God on a weekly basis, “From You, no secrets are hid.”  Though I am surrounded in uncertainty, the Lord has not even flinched; He knows the dark secrets of men and has guided me well despite my doubt and unbelief. 

Interspersed in those final two weeks were a series of interviews, but more about those later.  As for Vestal and the Golden Bears, I certainly can’t say it’s been a great time.  There are people and times and places that I will look back on and remember with intense fondness.  My very first day of classes as a first year teacher, the shouts of “Kovac” down the halls, the exact moment I found out my second year Algebra 2/ Trig scores, and all the conversations between respected peers and students in the math office and extra help room, respectively, are a few that come immediately to mind.  Attached to those memories though – as close as shadows – are times where I struggled to value myself not only as a half-way decent teacher, but even as a father, husband, and a man.  Although not completely joyless, this has been a dark time.

So Goodbye Vestal; I wish I could say otherwise, but you will not be missed.

Taking Back the Sabbath

Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy.  Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God.  On it you shall not do any work, you or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is in your gates.  For in six days the Lord made Heaven and Earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day.  Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath and made it holy.

Exodus 20:8-11

Almost a year ago, I felt it was time to take this passage seriously.  In a very busy and quick-paced world, we barely value a planned time of rest that allows us to relax and take a break from our labors.  Before my commitment to celebrating a Sabbath, I used Sunday mainly as a day to catch up on everything that I had fallen behind on -  mainly school work or cleaning the house.  But honestly, I knew that God wants us to dedicate this day to rest, fellowship, family, and most importantly, worship.  

So before a few weeks before school started, I committed myself to the Sabbath, and surprisingly, it was hard.  I wanted so much to work and "get stuff done."  But like any habit we want to cultivate, it starts off as a challenge, and gets easier over time.  Starting before school ensured that I didn't have to worry about my school work, and the plan worked beautifully.  As summer turned to fall, I was already in the habit of not working on Sundays.

I also discovered some other surprising benefits that happen outside of Sunday.  At school, I was more effective and productive.  We also started doing dishes everyday, instead of a mega-load of dishes every few days.  When necessary, all the important stuff with school and home was taken care of on Saturday, which gave Sunday a chance for everyone to rest and relax.  Before too long, Sundays became a joy again; it's a day I look forward to now.  Unsurprisingly, God knows what is best for us, even when we think that we have a better plan.  Huh, who knew?

Employment Update

I know that some people rely exclusively on this blog to know what's happening in my life.  Since dropping this bomb in March, and considering my last post might have been too cryptic, here's a brief update on my employment woes and asperations.

If I haven't already mentioned it, we would really love to stay in the area because of church and family, but the odds are really against that at this point.  A few weeks ago, I had two interviews with two different schools, but unfortunately, struck out of both in the first round.

But for now, I have an interview on Wednesday with a local school, and I recently sent another application to another nearby district.  If those two don't work out though, it seems all but certain that we will be leaving the Southern Tier.

June was a self-imposed deadline of mine to start looking for other schools, and I already started filling out my application with the STA - the Southern Teachers Agency.   I've worked with the STA three years ago and actually secured two positions through them.  But when it came time to accept, I got cold feet, (maybe stupidly) rejected the offers, and withdrew my name from future considerations.  I just couldn't bear the idea of leaving family and friends at the time.  Ironically, a lot of them have ended up moving away since then.  This time, I confident in my willingness to move; I think a lot of that has to do with being a father and husband who provides.  The aspect of being unemployed past September isn't even something I've considered.  But I'm relatively hopeful that I'll be able to get something considering that I am a better and more experienced teacher.

I also will be applying to a few more schools in New York as a find them.  I'm sure there are more than what I have found up to this point, but without leads from friends, it's utterly exhausting to find them on district websites.

Mentally, most of my focus has been on trying to make sure my students do well on the Regents in two weeks.  So I haven't spent a lot of time feeling depressed or sorry for myself.  Between interviewing and applying (and haven't a year-and-a-half-old), that's kept me more than busy.

Pray that God's will be done and that it's revealed soon.

Thanks!

It is Good that One should Wait Quietly

I don't really have the words right now to express how frustrated I am with job searching...

...but thankfully God does.  I read this yesterday and was refreshed that I am not the first person who has ever pressed hard at something to only discover defeat after defeat.  I understand that it's not my efforts that will save me, but rather God, in His enduring love and wisdom, who crafts for me the direction that is for me and my family.  Before too long, I hope to discover what that way is as well.

Lamentations 3:25-33

²⁵ The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.
²⁶ It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
²⁷ It is good for a man that he bear
    the yoke in his youth.

²⁸ Let him sit alone in silence
    when it is laid on him;
²⁹ let him put his mouth in the dust—
    there may yet be hope;
³⁰ let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
    and let him be filled with insults.

³¹ For the Lord will not
    cast off forever,
³² but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
³³ for he does not afflict from his heart
 

Book Review: One Second After

Inevitably, I always end up in an English classroom when I proctor the SAT and the most recent administration of it was no different.  A day before the exam, I noticed a few of my seniors - students who I don't really have pegged as "readers" - reading One Second After in spare moments before their next class.  Coincidentally enough, the SAT room had a pile of the very same book, so I picked it up and started reading it... and didn't really stop until I went to bed that night... and I read through it every spare moment on the following Sunday.  Because I'm a slow reader, I still had two or three chapters to finish the following weekend.

When it comes to media in general, I rarely think much about the ideas or topics or themes presented.  Most of them seem cliched or poorly researched at best.  And even though this book is categorized as science-fiction, it's tangibility is frightening and all too believable.  Without spoilers, the premise of Forstchen's book takes place in present-day America and a weapon known as an EMP detonates across the entire country, leaving almost everything electrical dead and useless.  It's effects are far reaching and, personally, frieghtening to watch as the country descends into a technology-level equivalent of the nineteenth century.  Being unequipped both physically and psychologically, the citizens of America immediately transforms into a city-state like way of living where people act in hysteria and panic.  Forstechen has a special way of communicating how the removal of one profound, modern convenience - electricity - brings out the very worst in everyone.

It comes to no surprise that Forstchen is very educated and fascinated with world history through the lens of military and conflict.  The central characters all have a military background and use that type of diction and mindset fluently throughout the novel.  Furthermore, Forstchen makes numerous references to popular book, TV programs and movies to help the reader get into the mindset of the central characters and understand the lifestyle required to survive in such a unknown and dangerous time.  While I found the constant referral to these references to be cheesy at times, I think it's repetition speaks as to how people in first-world countries choose to prioritize entertainment.  The author is most certainly a patriot, and he definitely has strong ideas of what America should be like.  This book is probably his worst nightmare and I severely wonder how he brought himself to write this.

Perhaps the biggest impact this book will have on me is how realistic the opening chapters were.  The attack, the suddenness, and the inability of the country, state, and town governments to be prepared for an attack that isn't as unrealistic as some would hope.  This book starts a conversation on how fragile this country truly is to any group or country that wishes to do us harm.  Although the EMP is a special type of attack that requires hi-tech equipment, there is still a potential of a regional attack that requires far less effort to carry out successfully.  As I was reading the first chapters, it was frightening as a citizen and a father, how often I was thinking, "Yes, this is possible," or "That's not too far from the truth," or simply, "My God, that would probably happen."  Additionally, it's worth noting that this book also addresses the utter neglect and disrespect of an entire demographic and how much we take many of our modern conveniences for granted.  Remove electricity, and you quickly find out how independent we have become of others, and how much a resourceful and united community is a necessity for survival.

Where as the first chapters easily replicable throughout the entire country, it's later chapters are very specific to its setting, Black Mountain, NC, and it's residents.  The author chooses to place many military and southern-culture Christians in his book, and at times, it both types are a bit over-the-top in presentation.  I suppose that is required in a sale of a novel, but the bigger picture lessons are invaluable.  It's undeniable that large scale death would occur through a variety of means such as starvation, lack of nutrition, a winter season, lawlessness and disease.  If you can separate the local events from the bigger picture that Forstchen is trying to paint, you'll glean a lot more from this reading.

Admittedly, I haven't read a lot of books that are either apocalyptic or militaristic; so I might be easily influenced here.  But since reading this, I'm consistently thinking, "If an EMP took out all the electric right now, what would my family do?" or the less dramatic case, "How am I prepared for _______-type emergency."  I've had deep and interesting conversations with my wife about the events in this book, and it's been invigorating to have such living discussion about our own, personal emergency readiness.

At this point, I question how secure and prepared we are as a country, as a state, or even as a town, for a devastating natural or terrorist sources.  (Watching how my community dealt with the last flood in particular, I don't think I'm alone in that thought.)  However, it's undeniable that I can not view my country or community the same way again.

I'll close with the same sentiments as the author.  It would be a joy is no one would have to witness what happens in the book.  But if our country becomes suddenly disabled in the way described above, it will be devastating on every level imaginable.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Book Review: Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus

Everything I knew, which granted, wasn't much, about Frankenstein is wrong.  On a suggestion from one of my new favorite websites - The Art of Manliness - I decided to branch out and read some fiction in the form of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus.  And I was pleasently surprised.

Unabridged, of course!

Like my last review, I don't think it's worth my time to write any sort of synopsis as there are many that do a much better job than I care to write.  Instead, just wanted to share some thoughts I had while read it.  (I'll keep it as spoiler-free as possible.)

Surprise #1 - Forget Everything You think You know about Frankenstein!
I might be late to the party here, but I didn't realize that Frankenstein wasn't the name of the monster, but rather the last name of the man who created him: Victor Frankenstein.  The monster isn't named throughout the entirety of the text and I don't think that's by accident.  Victor, who serves as the main narrator, comes to detest his living creation, and considering that people tend to affectionately name those who are close to them, like babies and pets, a lack of a name acts as a symbol of regret.  Bonus Surprise: Frankenstein isn't a lethargic, green-skinned man with bolts in his side.  Instead, just think of a giant, ugly man.

Surprise #2 - Fiction in the Real World
I used to read a little bit of sci-fi when I was younger, and most of them have a setting in an unbelievable world.  So I thought it was interesting that all the events occur in real places - real cities, real countries, and real towns.  In fact, the only aspect of the book that makes it fiction is  Frankenstein's monster.  So for someone like me who isn't big into fiction, it was easy for me to get engaged in the text.  On top of that, I was delighted and challenged by the language.  Maybe it's because I read the unabridged edition, but the diction throughout the book is at a high level and the descriptions are vibrant and interesting.  

Surprise #3 - Creation Implies Purpose
One of the reoccurring themes is the idea that the created should be created for a purpose.  Without giving too much away, it becomes evident that Shelley's is trying to convey that a life without purpose is a life of misery, destruction, and absolute despair.  I'm unsure of Shelley's personal or religious beliefs, but as I was reading, I couldn't help but think that it is important of us to know we are literally made in the image of our Creator.  Nothing should be created without a purpose, and anything created without a purpose is utterly useless and alone.  Plainly, creation and purpose must go hand-in-hand.

Surprise #4 - People are Meant to be Together
Imagine a world where you are the only person to have ever lived; no person has lived before you and no person will live after you.  The feeling of loneliness is about as close as misery as we can get, and Shelley ensures that you don't forget this while reading.  People are meant to be in community and to be together.  There are long, articulate sections where this idea is explored in-full, if you got time to read this short 200-page classic, I highly recommend it!

Rating: 4 out of 5

If You Learn from the Past - You're Still Doomed to Repeat It

Lent 2014: Entry #5

Out of all the different subjects I learned at school, history was probably the least exciting for me.  Of course, I did well for myself in global studies and US history, but I just never cultivated a love for it.  I even made it an effort to stay away from all the history classes offered to me when I went to college - and instead replaced them with literature, writing and social science classes.  To me, history just seemed to be a bunch of places, people and dates.  Maybe I just didn't connect with the right type of teachers to make it worthwhile for me.  (My tenth grade global teacher, I recall, threatened to throw me out of the window because I kept opening it before class.) 

But since graduating from college, my thoughts and interests on history have changed quite a bit.  (1) For starters, I've tried to understand my state, my country and my world a little better.  Whether it's local or global happenings, elections, foreign policy, war and conflict, or economy, at the very least, I try to have some clue of what is going on.  Ask me about something that happened pre-2004 though and I probably won't have too much to share.  (2) Through conversations with people, I have learned history is really in the eye of the beholder; not everyone views the same issue or event the same way.  People bring their biases, belief systems, and personal experiences into every conversation whether they intend to or not.  And that's not a bad thing, it's just the way it is.  (3)  And lastly, I've really grown in my theology and understanding of Christianity as a whole.  Andrea and I was able to take a systematic theology class a few years ago through our church, and in addition to that, I've been reading through my Bible very aggressively over the past few years.  I understand my Bible today much more than I ever have, and I thank God that He has given me the passion for it.

All this leads to a conversation I had with Andrea this weekend.  Maybe this wasn't the case with everyone, but I distinctly remember being taught two fairly important concepts about history in general:  (1) People in ancient and previous cultures were either unintelligent or weren't fully aware of the world around them, and as a result, they were conquered or destroyed because of their folly, and (2) the problems, and challenges, and conflicts we have today are unique.

However, I believe that both issues are one in the same.  As I read through the historical accounts in the Bible, many of the issues spots there are the same issues that plague us today.  We still have countries going to war over resources and territory.  Politicians and governments still struggle with others within and beyond their country's lines about domestic laws, religious freedoms, human rights and/or foreign policy.  Furthermore, society has always had a difficult time controlling and morally using technologies, whether it's the spear, printing press, manufacturing machines, or the Internet.  Today, we talk about how the Internet can be such a powerful tool for education, and the only thing America's youth use it for is degrading others on social media.

Sure, the objects, or the people, or the place might be different, but people continue to make the same mistakes over again.  It's not that we haven't learned our history, it's simply because were imperfect - we sin and we enjoy sinning.  It's our selfish desires that create a tragic history, and that hasn't changed from the first man Adam up through President Obama or any other person in between (expect Jesus, obviously).  The ancients weren't any more or less intelligent than we are.  Technology may be advancing, but the human race is not.  History, like math, doesn't lie.  You can have dozens of perspectives of the same event in history, but they are all going to tell you that it was a man's sin that started it all - despite their greatest intentions otherwise.

I guess the reason I'm writing this is that I'm feeling a little bit betrayed.  We were taught in school that if we learn from the past, then we won't repeat it.  But that's requires too much faith for me to believe that all seven billion of us can or even will choose to do the right thing.  Despite how much knowledge we possess, we still haven't tamed or disciplined our tongues, our thoughts, or our actions to anywhere close to perfection.  How can we possibly think that states, or countries, or alliances, or enemies will ever agree peaceably, when we can't even live in peace others, or really, even ourselves?

If I have learned anything from history, it's that we are going to continue to repeat it - whether we want to or not - until Jesus comes to save us all from ourselves.

Hashtag: Save Kovac

Lent 2014: Entry #4

One of the things I enjoy about teaching teenagers (and children in general) is that most of them are truly honest about how they feel about the world.  Granted, some of their honesty is overflowing from ignorance, arrogance, or both, but still, that's material I can work with.  I admire their energy and their passion, and to be honest, sometimes that's one of the few reason why I walk into the classroom day-after-day.

So as my employment has dwindling down and students start determining their schedules for next year, there have been days where I've literally felt physically sick.  When students (both ones I've taught and those I haven't) come up to you and say, "Can't wait to take your class next year," or, "You were the best math teacher I've ever had," or, "I won't take Algebra 2/Trig if I don't get you as a teacher," it really makes me want to throw-up.  To a teacher, hearing that is supposed to make you feel great.  But when you know you're leaving in four months, but haven't been cleared to tell students that yet, its torture to say something lame in response like, "Well, guidance counselors can't guarantee anyone, and other teachers can more than capable of teaching the class too."  That's not the answer they want to hear and that's not the answer I want to give.  Up until a little while ago, that is what I had to settle with - instead of returning honesty with honesty.

As far as staff and students have known, March 11 was the day I resigned, but I've known for almost a year now that I wasn't going to be back at the end of this year.  There's been a lot of insincerity, and at points, flat-out lying, just to protect myself and any hope of future employment.  I despise lying.  As I've already outlined, it's been more than challenging to live with myself lately, let alone to keep myself confident and assured that I'm the teacher that I know I am.  I'm just thankful that I have last year's results to remind me of my worth.

All this is a backdrop of what happened this week at school.  Since March 11 (the board meeting) there have been a fair number of teachers and paraprofessionals asking me about my resignation, but it was clear that the students hadn't found out yet.  So I waited, wondering if the whole thing would blow over, or if I would have to explain myself.  Predictably, some student found out about it, and as we all know, there are no secrets among teenagers; word gets around quick.  When one of my own students found out Thursday, I was fortunate enough to have one of my teacher friends give me a heads up.  I wasn't ready at the time to add any fuel to the fire - I thought waiting one more day would ensure that more people would hear it.

It was hard, but it was refreshing to be honest with my students for the first time all year - March 28.  I told them that I wouldn't be returning after this year.  They asked questions.  I gave them unsatisfying answers.  I teared up.  They teared up.  And then I got memorialized with my first Twitter hashtag: #SaveKovac.  Reactions varied greatly and accurate to their characters.  Louder students when went immediately to vent on social media, funny kids used humor to cope, shy kids stared in quiet disbelief, activists vowed to make t-shirts with the hashtag on it.  Many of them said they are going to write letters or sign petitions.  Although I'm honored by their outrage, and even though I don't put it past some of them to actually follow through with their knee-jerk reactions, I doubt anything will change.  At the end of the year, I'll still be gone.

However, it's undeniable that I am comforted by their words; their response has validated and invigorated my teaching.  I know that on Monday when I walk into my classroom, the students will be wondering how I'm going to lead them through the rest of the year.  They might be surprised, yet comforted, that I'll be doing the same thing I've been doing for the last three years - teach math and tell bad jokes.

...just that they'll probably start laughing at my bad jokes now.

A Quick Moment of Sunlight

Lent 2014: Entry #3

I should apologize to those who have to bear with me; I know that I haven't been the best of company as of late.  This past year has been a challenging, frustrating, and disappointing season of my life.  Between my job, family issues, and just a general dissatisfaction in my Christian walk, there are just some days where I feel that I haven't amounted to anything worthwhile.  Right now, I'm in one of my lowest valleys.

So over the past week, when people have come around to support and encourage me, I want them to know that it's been refreshing; a breath of fresh air; a quick moment of sunlight.  I feel blessed to be a part of a Bible study group that cares and prays over me when I expose my weaknesses.  And when I had to unexpectedly move my mother's possessions across town on very short notice last Saturday, it's a relief when a friend and their family are willing to sacrifice their whole afternoon to help.  (And on top of that get an additional phone call for extra help.)  Or, when two of my newest friends talked with me after church and absolutely insisted that they pray for my lingering unemployment, it's something that holds me together and gives me a reason to keep pushing forward in circumstances that have been downright awful.  I've been given a lot of other support lately too, but these three things so close to each other just really prompted me to write.

When God wants to show His absolute strength, sometimes He uses the weak the overpower the strong.  But sometimes, God just calls on His strong people to raise up those are burdened.  I'm thankful that God has placed people in my life who are eager to strengthen those who feel as though they have been shattered.

Self-Improvement and the Christian

Lent 2014: Entry #2

Although I have clearly decided not to pursue the path of engineering, there are still some characteristics of one that dominate my personality.  Specially, I am always trying to find ways to improve myself or the world around me.  Can this be done faster? better? more efficiently?  What if I did a little bit more reading or learning in this topic?  How much should I study my Bible this week?  Or, should I start physically training for that triathlon that I want to do?  To an extent, I'm sure we all do this, but maybe more of us do it more often than others.

I am a very analytical person, so I feel like I always have this script running through my head - always evaluating, critiquing, changing, tinkering.  What if I do that..?  or maybe this would work better?  As a teacher of mathematics, I feel like this is a great strength in the classroom and especially when designing lessons and troubleshooting student misconceptions.  I'm sure it has a lot of other uses too.  But as a disciple and follower of Christ, I wonder if the drive for self-improvement is doing more to hinder than to help

Case-in-point has been the excellent sermon series we've been going through at Good Shepherd.  As we are in the final chapters of Mark, it has become increasingly obvious that Peter has been devoting himself to Jesus and the Gospel.  He's even one of the first to realize Jesus as the Christ - the Messiah and Author of Life.  However, Peter continually tries to gain Jesus' appreciation and love through the strength of his works and words.  Anyone who has read through the Bible quickly understands that Peter is a proud man.  I think it's so easy to pick out Peter's sin and bone-headedness is because we relate to him so well - we are just as prideful as he is. 

But both Peter's strength of self and sinful pride are completely crushed during the section where Peter denies Jesus three times in a single night.  Here, Peter's self-improvement plan to Jesus ends, and is an utterly broken man.  And that's where I start to question myself.  By most, self-improvement is considered a great and noble endeavor, but only as long as it keeps going and proves itself successful.  The moment we falter, misstep, or come short of our goal, all the effort into improving ourselves have come to nothing.  And anyone who has tried to master a discipline or attempt a new way of life has found failure - even if initial success was there.  Eventually, our bodies give up, our minds can't comprehend, or the forces around us move out of control.  So what's next after that?  Build it up again to watch it fall?

No, but rather this from 1 Timothy 4:

Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance. For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.

We know that Peter goes on be a powerful and influential man in the first generation of the Christian church.  But I doubt that he picked himself up by his own bootstraps.  After this third denial and at the sight Jesus beaten, Peter, for all his physical strength and bold attitude, falls and cries knowing that all the strength and pride in the world will get him no closer to Jesus than those who seek his crucifixion.

Self-improvement may be of some value, but the day I give up thinking that I can get myself out of my newest disaster, will be the day that I'll be more effective in God's kingdom come.  I can try doing the work that is front of me by my own will, but to be completely honest, I just hope I have the courage and trust to be dependent on God and let Him improve me the way I was created to be.  That sounds like better than any plan I have ever came up with.

It is not the Critic that Counts

Lent 2014: Entry #1

As of late, I've been rather captivated by the Roosevelt speech quote:

It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is scarred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Over the past two years, my employment situation has become both emotionally and mentally infuriating, and this has been most expressed in my interactions with students and my closest co-workers in the math office.  I'm not surprised though, considering that an important part of a teacher's job is to connect - in ways beyond content material - with their students.  Teaching is as much social interaction as it is instruction.  Of course it's the interactions that keep us coming back to the classroom day; no teacher continues in the profession because they enjoy the paperwork and politics.  For me though, it's impossible to forget that as I continue to strengthen these relationships, there is a fast-approaching time where I have to make a clean cut, and walk away from this school in June.

So when I fire-up my computer every morning, this quote is the first thing I see.  There have been many visitors in my classroom, and I can't deny that I have benefited from some of their suggestions.  However, I have discarded much of it.  It's easy to condemn, critique and tear down; it's much more challenging to take your lumps and continue doing what you know is right.  So despite my frustrations, I keep myself professional and resist allowing any bitterness effect my teaching and interactions with the students.  After all, they have nothing to do with my inevitable departure.  So even though I want to be completely candid, authentic, and transparent with my students, including expressing my day-to-day emotions, I abstain for their benefit.  Ultimately, my job is to teach them mathematics, and hopefully I do that well.  More importantly, I pray that I am presenting myself as a godly example of a Christian-servant, and somehow end up teaching them how to think in a way that glorifies the Creator.

So together, as a teacher and his students, we press on against overwhelming curriculum and against our collective doubters.  And together we will continue to fight in the arena, knowing that regardless of the outcome, that we have not become the cold and timid souls.

Book Review: The Abolition of Man

For reason I cannot explain, something came over to me today and I read the entirety of The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis in roughly 100 minutes.  This is surprising for two reasons.  (1) When I read, it's slowly - especially as something as thoughtful as Lewis, and (2) it's not something I am in the habit of doing and certainly not as impulsively as it felt at the time.

If you're interested in reading a summary or a review about it, you might want to start here.  However in this post, I'm simply going to interject my own thoughts, ponderings, and opinions about it.

Theme #1:  Feelings vs. Fact
The book's opening lecture begins with Lewis analyzing an English text for children, which may have implied that feelings about an object and something factual about the same object cannot be mutually exclusive. 
Personally, I believe that we are given or have feelings about objects to help us investigate the truth.  When gazing upon something so full of amazement, awe and glory, the feelings that swell up inside of us lead us to understand that God's Creation is beauty (as fact, and not opinion).  Although there are many ways to discover truth, feelings should not be considered isolated, but rather one conduit of exploration and realization.  With much more clarity and precision, Lewis continues on in the first section to establish an undeniable system truth, fact and value that can not be disputed, and that feelings and fact can simultaneously uncover this system.  Of course, anyone familiar with C.S. Lewis knows that he is a Christian, and believes that God is the exclusive authority on Truth, but he doesn't expand upon that in this book.  (Although I haven't read it in awhile, I believe he attempts this in Mere Christianity.)

Theme #2:  Man vs. Nature
Two ideas that Lewis expanded on seemed interested to me.
(1)  There are people who believe that mankind can eventually overcome their own weaknesses to attain perfection.  As we continue to discover, learn and understand more about the world around us and humans as a whole, some people believe that we will be able to overcome our own humanity.  But if "nature" has created humans to partake in our humanity, then don't we cease to be human altogether?  Lewis goes on to explain that this transcendent man (or men) is (are) no longer bound to values, ethics, or morals.  In becoming better than human, human pursuits and conditions such as good and evil no longer have contextual experiences to connect them to such ideas.

This is fascinating, but dreadful and ridiculous to think of any person or group of people could establish such a feat considering that people are selfish for personal power, control, and comfort.  If you agree with that thought as well, I think the next logical question to ask is, "If humans will never reach perfection, then what is our purpose as people, and how to we fulfill our humanity?"

(2)  Lewis also explains an interesting give and take that happens with each rising generation of people.  As a previous generation of people die out, they relinquish their power, culture, and values to a younger generation.  The transfer is precious and important, but also undeniably changed (and as it seems that younger generation always thinks it for the better).  But if the time of man is finite, that also means that each  rising generation has less influence on the future than the previous generation, simply because it has less time for their influence to spread.

I guess I see this as a bit of irony.  As we boast and proclaim our generations' greatness by what we contribute to the pool of knowledge and technology, we are only shouting out to the shrinking few who have yet to come.  No matter how far we progress as a species, the number left to hear about our false greatness is only lesser with each passing era.  We think we are gaining power and influence over the march of time, but in truth, all the things we value as sinful humans is slowly fading away into obscurity, and then after that, to nothing.

Theme #3: Knowing vs. Not Knowing and the Position of Science
Lewis spends the final paragraphs of the book as an apology to science, and specifically mentions that science is not useless.  In fact, he is a proponent and supporter of science.  That position is mostly probably rooted in that God has given us an entire universe to discover, learn and marvel at His intricate Creation.  And when we uncover the mysteries of it, we are, in essence, worshiping God, and giving Him praise.  However, he does warn that the acquisition of knowledge does not empower us to become gods ourselves.  Knowledge is great and worthwhile, but when science is overused, we throw ourselves in great peril.

Consider his own words:

But you cannot go on ‘explaining away’ for ever: you will find that you have explained explanation itself away. You cannot go on ‘seeing through’ things for ever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. It is good that the window should be transparent, because the street or garden beyond it is opaque. How if you saw through the garden too? It is no use trying to ‘see through’ first principles. If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To ‘see through’ all things is the same as not to see.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Bible Questions: Mark 14:12-21

I have written these questions based on the sermon "Food, Wine and Treason" by Matt Kennedy.


Text: Mark 14:12-21 

1. [App] What is the most important meal of the year for your (extended) family? What makes family meal times so intimate and memorable?

2. [v.12] Even though Jesus is wanted by the Sanhedrin and authorities, He is not scared or living a fugitive life. Why is Jesus seemingly unafraid of His accusers or upcoming death?

3. [v.13-15] The man who allows Jesus to use the Upper Room, seems willing to sacrifice his security, effort, and time for the sake of Jesus. Is it always necessary for us to make similar sacrifices when choosing to follow Jesus?

4. [v.16] Despite the recklessness or forgetfulness of the disciples, the plans for the Passover meal happens without any problems. Why should we be comforted by the fact that Jesus already has a plan for our lives despite our fallacies, sins and failures?

5. [John 13:8] Jesus tells Peter, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” What makes this statement so important in both the historical context and with the church of believers today?

6. [v.20-21] Keeping in mind that Judas is ministering with Jesus during most of Jesus’ three year ministry, how can Jesus have compassion for Judas knowing his betrayal all along?

7. [v.20-21] If Jesus knows that Judas will betray Him, why bother giving Judas a final warning?

Something Invisible is Building

A spark of inspiration hit me as I was watching my students take a test:

Something Invisible is Building

Something invisible is building

with every scribble on a piece of paper

with every eraser fixing a mistake

and with every click of a noisy button

Something invisible is building

between the conversations

between the groans 

and between the bits of laughter

Something invisible is building

when they find their seats

when they work at home

and when they come back every day

Something invisible is building

after the end of a class

after a long, hard week

or after a well-earned break

So when they ask "what are we doing today?"

I hesitate to answer

because I want them to know

that something invisible is building

Bible Questions: Mark 14:1-11

I have written these questions based off the sermon "Devotion and Betrayal" by Matt Kennedy

Text: Mark 14:1-11

1. [App] What common elements of the Bible unite the Passover and Jesus’ death?  Use Exodus 12 to assist you if necessary.

2. [v.3] How is Mary’s anointment like an act of worship? What makes this such a beautiful display?

3. [App] What exactly is worship? How do the different parts of our worship glorify Jesus?

4. [v.4-5] Explain/defend the guest’s reactions to Mary’s anointing? Why do they feel that they are right in their scolding?

5. [App] What is the most important thing the church does? Does this most important thing change over the course of time?

6. [v.6-9] Why are the guests concerned about the well being of the poor so suddenly? Is it wrong to be concerned about them?

7. [v.9] What does Jesus’ memorialization Mary’s anointing say about those who worship Him in truth?

A Year of Evelyn in Pictures

It's been a joy to watch Evelyn grow over the year.  Here's my favorite picture from each month.

Month 0: Only a few days out of the hospital, probably her second or third bath.

Month 1: A family visit.

Month 2: Just hanging around.  Probably Andrea doing a photo shoot here.

 Month 3: Also just hanging around.  Looking pretty satisfied with life.

Month 4: Evelyn never really liked tummy-time, but it was a means to an end for crawling and walking!

Month 5: Learned how to sit up and make funny faces.

 

Month 6: First time at the lake and swimming.  Loved both. 

Month 7: Another photo shoot - the first of many in the backyard.

Month 8: Playing in her floater at the lake.

Month 9: Another photo shoot in the backyard.

Month 10:  Backyard with a pumpkin and a cozy sweater.

 

Month 11: Look who's walking (and has teeth!)

 

Happy First Birthday Evelyn!

Bible Questions: Mark 13:28-31

I have written these questions based on the sermon "This Generation Shall Not Pass Away" by Matt Kennedy.

Text: Mark 13:28-31

1. [App] Why is it tempting to skip over difficult passages of the Bible?  What is the best way to approach difficult passages of Scripture?

2. [v.28-29] How can understanding the signs of Mark 13 be a comfort to Christians in the midst of the world’s chaos?  In other words, why is understanding the impending dangers something for Christians to look forward to?

3. [1 Peter 1:3-6] What is the difference between worldly happiness and the Christian’s joy?  Is it possible to be feeling something regarding our circumstances, yet still have a joy about us?

4. [1 Peter 1:3-6] What does it mean when “God guards our salvation through faith” in verse 5. How would you explain this to a child or someone who doesn’t understand Christianity.

5. [v.30] Why do you think God allows the church to be a witness to observe and experience the events of Mark 13?

6. [v.31] If Heaven and Earth is going to pass away, how should we approach our lives differently?  In other words, how should we approach our lives if we truly believe that only God’s Word is endure forever?

2014 Resolutions

I know that it's always a uphill battle when making resolutions, but I'm a firm believer in setting goals - even seemingly unreasonable ones - in hopes that you at least take a few steps in the right direction.  When those goals and dreams and strivings come to fruition, it makes the goal setting process worth it.

Without any further ado...

1.  Read Bible and Pray.  Last year's success of reading through the Bible was an accomplishment, but I don't think I should be satisfied in that alone.  A year or two ago, I asked why I dedicated myself to the Bible and not to prayer.  It was hard enough for me to focus on dedicating a time to be with God; both practices should be cultivated together.  Now with that time established, I want to add on to it by including prayer.  I don't really have a plan, method, a technique or a program to follow.  I think that's okay too.  After a little research, I'll try to write an update on what I'm doing (or not doing) when it comes to my prayer life.

2.  Embrace Change and Be Honest in Relationships.  I know that this year is going to be a whirlwind of changes.  For those who don't know already, I'll be unemployed after this school year ends in June.  It's frightening, but also exciting to think about where our family is going to be 12 months from now.  We might still be here in the Southern Tier, or we could be thousands of miles away, or anything in between.  Either way, it's obvious change is in the winds and embracing it should make acceptance easier.  And for reasons I can't explain, I feel that being honest with the people I interact with at home, and work, and church is inseperable from the aforementioned changes that are bound to happen.  I can't explain why they are connected, but I just feel that they are.  Maybe I'll read this next year and laugh because I'm completely wrong.  We'll see.

3.  Ride that Bike!  Is 300 miles unreasonable?  I hope not.  Evelyn really put a damper on my biking plans this past year.  Here's to many more enjoyable rides.  Also, because I have a habit of running over sharp objects, I'd also like to know how to change a bike tire.  I've been shown how to do it a few times already, but I need to do it with my own hands to learn it.

Here's to a better 2014!

2013 Reflections through Lists

Referring back to this lovely post that I wrote a year ago, here's all the great ambitions I had for the past year:

1. Read through the Bible in a year.  Check!  As I wrote on Monday, I finished this resolution a day early.  However, I was reading this article about resolutions, I wholeheartedly agree that there is certainly an amount of grace you need to allow yourself.  It's okay to fall behind, or miss a day... or even a month... of whatever it is you are pursuing.  Resolutions are not rules that bind us, but should be considers goals to strive for; they certainly don't dictate our value as people and are not tools for judging (read: condemning) ourselves or others.

2.  Gain healthy weight in the form of muscle.  Mega-fail.  The most active time for me is summer, and I barely did any biking this summer.  I didn't work out.  And I probably gained pounds of fat instead.  The problem here was that I dramatically overestimated the amount of free time I was going to have this summer while watching Evelyn.  Oh well.

3.  More blogging.  I only had a meager 26 posts this year, and most of them were Bible Study questions, or favorite verses.  So, I'd say this wasn't much of a success either.

Even if I did only do well with one of my resolutions, I'm satisfied in reading through the Bible (and more) in a year.

Highlights of 2013
1. Evelyn.  Simply put, the birth of my first child is by far the brightest spot of the year.  Of course, she had her moments of frustration - but watching her grow and develop and learn and smile and run and all those other things babies learn to do the first year is an amazing sight.  In particular, I will be fond of this summer that we got to spend together, even if she was only taking 15-30 minute naps most of the days.

2. Spiritual Growth.  I know that I'm growing closer to God's, but some years it is more evident than others.  No doubt through the commitment to read through my Bible, this was a great year for Spiritual growth.  At Good Shepherd, we studied the Gospel of Mark, and we continue to do so.  Personally, I also feel that God has been disciplining me in patience and forgiveness.  I'm blessed to have a Father in heaven who is eager to bestow upon me that discipline, as well as other blessings.

3.  Regents Scores.  After my first year of teaching and performing at beyond disappointing levels, this year's single event of joy was the day I received my test scores - I wrote about it at length here.  To be validated and confirmed in the work that you do is one of the only gratifications people and receive from working.

Tomorrow, I'll roll out my resolutions for 2014.